Comet the Hero

Without this cat, our bed would go shooting up through the ceiling, break out of the roof carrying along a great deal of shingle debris and old toys and other Attic Junk. It would go shooting up into space. The Air Force from a neighboring base would scramble to intercept, causing way too much excitement for a lot of people. Our bed would quickly exceed 50,000 feet (about 15 klicks) in altitude, leaving the pursuit behind. At some point it would leave the solar system, accumulating random molecules of space debris, frozen gas, and water. At some point the gravity of the aggregate would reassert itself. It would be a comet, in a cometary orbit. The comet would sooner or later fall into an eccentric orbit. If we're unlucky enough, and sooner or later we will be, it will intercept the Earth, resulting in the deaths of millions of people. We named this kitty quite aptly, however. She may look like a dirty snowball, white with black spots, with a very full and glowing tail indeed, but in fact she is preventing global calamity by holding our bed firmly down in the floor, merely by spending her days lying upon it, and purring all night between our heads.

It is unlikely that many outside our family will ever understand the daily heroism exhibited by our cat Comet.

You may send her cash to reflect your gratitude. We'll take post-dated checks, if need be.